Requiem
by Tsuki no mizu
Summary: With her death the remains of my soul, my humanity, my honor and conscience extinguished, I was only a shell, a hollow shell that needed to be put to rest. Every breath I take brings me closer, closer to forever, to you. EXB. Takes place in New Moon


**All the characters belong to S.M. ... they're not mine!!**

**The song isn't mine either, it's product of the awesome talent of Kamelot.**

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**REQUIEM**

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**There's a ****pain**** within  
that I can't define  
there's an empty space  
where your ****love**** used to shine.**

Emptiness

I was empty before her; I acknowledge that, I admit I was never happy before meeting her, before seeing into her deep brown eyes and smelling her intoxicating and deliciously tortuous aroma. I met her and I discovered hope, happiness… life.

In my still, blank existence I found life and color.

Her quiet mind, her shy beauty and her charming personality made me feel alive, made me dream again of a future, made me almost forget what a horrid being I am.

**From the night we met  
till the day you died  
do you think I wished  
do you still believe I tried.**

She gave me hope, gave me life and in return I let her die.

I swore to protect her, I gave up on the life she'd given me to hold on to a memory of her voice and her face, of her sweetness and her heart, I gave up on her to live my own personal purgatory only for her to achieve the heaven she deserved so much, the peace and tranquility that was righteous hers.

But my frail attempt to protect her hideously failed, I failed… I was a failure; A broken pathetic failure.

What a fool I'd been, thinking I was entitled to love, thinking I was worthy of her. Fool, stupid, idiot.

I was trying so hard to believe my own lie that I dragged her down, I realized too late that from our first moment together the countdown begun for her.

**All too soon we were divided  
and life had just begun  
**

Carlisle is mistaken

There's no soul, no heaven, no forgiveness or God for us. There is no right to live, we can only exist draining life from the world, no matter how hard we try to deny our nature. It doesn't matter if we fight our instincts and we restrain from drinking human blood, the mere contact with humans ends up in their misery, because we are demons, hideous creatures whose only porpoise is to destroy.

Everything we touch breaks, everything we love withers.

**Will you revive  
from the chaos in my mind  
where we still are bound together  
will you be there  
waiting by the gates of dawn  
when I close my eyes forever**

I'm sorry.

My dear Bella, my sweet Bella, my one and only love;

Her face was printed in the back of my eyelids, her voice played like music over and over again in my ears, every 'I love you' she told me burned my mind, every musical laughter she ever laughed came over and over again. I don't even deserve to remember her.

Forgive me my angel; I was so wrong, so mistaken and so stupid.

I could only hope, dream of an improbable afterlife, an eternity by her side even if that's completely impossible for a soulless evil being like me.

Eternity.

How longer I'll be able to keep fooling myself, I'm already immortal, changeless and timeless. I'm eternal.

Eternity is not my goal, is not my wish. My true wish is for a moment with her, a glimpse of her smile, a second of her crimson lovely blush; but that was lost, her fair skin, her deep endless eyes, her soft and tangled hair, her adorable clumsiness and her erratic yet healthy heartbeat; all gone because of me.

The lion's actions had finally claimed the lamb's life.

**  
I belong to you  
you belong to me  
it's the way things are  
always meant to be  
**

I'm such a monster, thinking she'll be on the other side waiting for me, she must be in heaven and I would probably wonder in pain for an eternity, nothing really different from my actual existence. But I can't help it, the picture of my sweet Bella again in my arms, again contempt by my side, I had to hold on to it, I had to hope I'd be able to see her again, even if it's only from afar. She in her heaven and I, I in the burning flames of hell; each one of us where truly belongs to.

An old woman whispered to her husband her worries for me; I could hear her twice, the voice that wasn't low enough for my disgusting acute senses and her thoughts, that were shamefully displayed for me to hear. I shut my eyes closed in agony, I'm so repulsive.

How could have a perfect angel ever felt love towards such an unnatural and horrid beast?

The worried woman walked away and I saw her through the eyes of her husband, the ghost of my heart tightened in pain.

An old couple, what I should have been for her; a support for life and what she should have had, a loving companion not the life sucking monster I'd been, the black hole that had caused her death. I should have never leave, I should have been with her; loving her, singing her to sleep, comforting her from her nightmares, making her blush, kissing her, marrying her and maybe, only if she persisted making love to her, living by her side, mesmerized by her.

**  
Like the morning star  
and the ****rising sun****  
you convey my life  
and forgive me what I've done**

She shouldn't have done it, how could she? she promised.

If I ever meant anything to her she should have kept that one promise; that was all I asked. But she didn't keep her word, she was reckless and weak, she should have moved on, like every other normal person would have done, but she chose to make me suffer, to make everyone suffer, to take the easy path and take her life. I began to cry dry sobs taking a bunch of my hair roughly into my fists, I was a coward.

Blaming her, how could I even think of that?

Trying to ease my pain in blaming her, I was a coward, not worthy of compassion nor love, not even sympathy, not worthy of living, not worthy of the sweet silence and rest death could give me.

My life, my vain empty and cheap soul it's nothing compared to her pure life, dying will never compensate, not even remotely the fact that she doesn´t breathe anymore, there's nothing I can do to really set things right.

I failed her, I failed myself, I failed my family and her family.

With her death the remains of my soul, my humanity, my honor and conscience extinguished, I was only a shell, a hollow shell that needed to be put to rest.

**  
save me  
reverse how I'm thinking of you  
every breath I take  
brings me closer  
closer to forever, to you  
I'm waiting for the day that I'm gone**

I was being weak, selfish and inconsiderate.

Not thinking of the pain my death will cause my family, not thinking of what Bella would have wanted for me. I couldn't think of that, of them, the pain of my beloved one's absence was all I could feel, everything else blurry, shapeless and unrecognizable.

All I could feel was this blinding pain, pain like the one I felt when Carlisle gave me this new condemned pathetic excuse of life.

No, not that pain, it was worse, much worse. It was like being ripped from the inside, like exploding over and over again; the image of her perfect full lips purple, her flushed skin ghastly white and her eyes closed chased me, hunted me and remembered me constantly of my failure, of my lost, of the lack of sense in my life.

The clock's bells marked the beginning of my end, my own personal requiem filling me with excitement for the anticipation of ending this pain, of paying to the world my sin, every rang brought me closer to judgment, closer to damnation for I'll never be able to be with her, yet closer to salvation for I'll be as close as I'll ever be able to be.

I took a last look at this world, my shirt already off and the sun beaming beautifully. The sun my Bella loved so much will be the one helping me to put an end to my life. I closed my eyes and visualized one last time her sweet perfect face before closing my eyes, waiting for sweet merciful death to come on me.

Isabella Marie Swan, the woman that gave birth to me, the one that made my ghost heart as real as it'll ever be, the woman for whom I lived, for whom I suffered for whom I'll die.

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I hope you liked it, the song is "Forever" from Kamelot (L)

Well, if you have any comment, suggestion, complain, rotten tomatoes please leave a review, takes almost no time and helps me improve a looooooot!, thank you again for reading this...

See ya'


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